Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
