she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
