Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
