why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
