Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize