Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
