How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
