I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize