Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
