11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
