Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize