I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize