When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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