I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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