I need to stop coming to work sober
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
