Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize