Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
