Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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