dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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