I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
