I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So many bounce houses so little time
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
