there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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