You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
