thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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