It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We're too hungover to prance.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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