its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Are we still banned from the library?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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