Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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