two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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