OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
