i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
