You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
