He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
