I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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