Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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