so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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