i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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