alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize