Do you still have your period?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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