The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
