I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
