I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
