i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
