3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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