yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
