billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
