Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
