First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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