but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
