yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
