Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize