is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
