I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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