Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
