the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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