I must be too annoying 4 u.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
