instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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