I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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