I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
