I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
