need another drink. this is the easiest way
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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