you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
