Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
