I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
