I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
