Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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