I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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