whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
