I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
honey bunches of taint.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
