Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
time to smoke my breakfast
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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